Oras

I am wildly fascinated with humanity’s study, measure, and management of time.  This is my long way of saying horology is cool as fuck, and I want to start the first part of this love letter (of sorts) with a very brief history on how we have told time.

The concept of telling time goes as far back to our first several rounds of ancestors.  Without a clock, we simply just look up at the sun and note a general idea of the time of day.  If without clouds, a rising sun meant morning, the sun somewhere at its highest point is noon time, and a setting sun signified that evening was approaching.  By nightfall we’re told one thing: rest until you see the sun rise again for a new day.  It’s not by any means a technological method of telling time, but it served as good enough for a few thousand years.

Then came the sundial – the first true device for timekeeping that eventually led to the modern analog clock face  – which still utilizes the sun but this time giving sunlight a pointer to cast a shadow on a surface.  Still, it’s rendered useless on days when clouds are present and at night where sun is nowhere to be found.

Then there’s the development of the hourglass, which measures the passage of time by the fall of a fine substance, usually sand, using the pull of gravity.  While I would not bet the farm on its accuracy, it’s quite aesthetically pleasing to the eye to watch the sand travel from one glass bulb to the next through its tiny canal.

Then came the origin of the first mechanical clock, which looks to be debatable with one side of historians believing that it was first developed and used by medieval Chinese, and another side arguing that mechanical clocks first appeared as clock towers during the Renaissance period in parts of Europe.  Who gets true credit is neither here nor there for me, but I will admit that I am wrong to believe that the first clock tower was built in Hill Valley in 1885, later to be struck by lightning in 1955.  Zemeckis had me roped in on that belief since 1990.

Let’s fast forward about five to six hundred something years.  Advances in timekeeping lead to the modern wristwatch in the 1800s, and there are now thousands of watchmakers worldwide.  I wrapped my first “real” watch around my left wrist sixteen years ago.  And just within the last ten years, one watch became two, two became four, four became eight, and eight became… I have literally lost count. I feel great fortune that my wife has not (yet) called me out on spending too much money on timepieces. With that being said, let’s just say I’m prepared for her smoke when I come home with a Naoya Hida.

So, what does this all mean?  Am I just a collector of watches burning money?

I assure you that probably tells five to ten percent of the story, and my love for time goes far beyond than what I wear around my wrist.

I love exploring time in non-linear and philosophical and physical frameworks, like time as the fourth dimension, or the flow of time not being uniform under different conditions.  I love attempting to explain to my wife the concepts of time cycles and time loops where the idea of time travel may be possible, wholly disputing the traditional take of time as linear.  I often don’t get that far since she falls asleep a few minutes in, and I end up just talking to myself.

It’s fine, everything is fine.  Except –

And here lies the catch, when I look at time as linear – that today eventually becomes yesterday, and tomorrow is the future – there’s far more fear there for me than love.

I’m afraid of running out of time, so much so that I’m literally trying to buy it.

If there is one thing that I have leveled up in skill in the last decade, it’s holding up the mirror to myself to truthfully admit my flaws.  I even make it a game to find them before my wife calls me out on my shit.  So if I don’t count clowns gazing sexually at me through my bedroom window at night, running out of time is my biggest fear, with the line going damn near full vertical on the graph.  And, I can tell you exactly when this inflection point is: July 7, 2024.

The day my daughter was born.

A quick look and study shows that as of 2025/2026 the median age of first-time fathers is thirty-one.  That puts me ten less autumn seasons I will get to spend with my daughter versus the average.  With a whole lot of luck, I might get to spend a total of forty healthy autumns with my girl, God willing far more than that.  Using envy and more so anger, I can still out-lift and out-train all the still-in-their-physical-prime-twenty-somethings at my gym because I want to be able to carry my daughter, whether or not she wants to be carried, until she’s thirty.  I know she’ll eventually prefer to hang out with friends more than she’ll want to hang out with me.  One day, she’ll just ask for less reading time, less park time, less ice cream, less hugs, less cuddles, and less kisses.

And that’s why I am going to become the fucking Airwolf of helicopter dads.  But, in a good, cool-dad way where she won’t resent me, I swear.  I don’t know how, because I’m not there yet.  Let me figure that out in time.  Maybe I’ll write a book about it when I do.

I know.  I know!  I’m probably overreacting.  She hasn’t even turned two yet for fuck’s sake.  There’s a lot more autumns left before I have to worry about any of this.  I just know that when it happens, it’ll feel like a blink of an eye ago.  I’m going to feel the vast weight of that emotion and likely cry about it.  I’ll be much grayer then, with a hairline running higher and a healthy collection of finer lines on my face.

But, when that day comes, I’ll be wearing my Grand Seiko SBGE271, and yes – still hoping that time travel is possible (and putting my wife to sleep talking about it) just so I can go back and hold my little girl as I do now, but goddamn proud that I chose to be Airwolf.

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Ballgame

I’m a baseball nut – I think that those that even remotely know me would also agree – and I fell for the San Francisco Giants well before I could handwrite. I can’t say that my in-person memories of the team started in Candlestick Park, it was not a luxury that was affordable to my family and I (even though “luxury” would be the absolute last term that anyone would ever describe the dump that was Candlestick). So I took any and all chances I had to either write down or clip newspaper sections of the Sporting Green from the SF Chronicle of Giants stats and standings. If a game was televised on local channels, I was likely in front of a TV.

I did not attend a live Giants game until 2001, one year after they had opened and moved to Pacific Bell Park, then later to be known as SBC Park, then later to be known as AT&T Park, and now currently known as Oracle Park – which to this day, unlike its predecessor, would be the shining definition of the luxury title.

25 years later, I still feel pristine fortune being able to make memories here, with the latest one being the most nearest and dearest to my heart – our first Giants game together:

A father holds his daughter beyond the main entrance of Oracle Park, who will enjoy their first Giants baseball game together as father and daughter.

To anoint this game and memory on April 23, 2026, I want to go back and remember my top five moments at Oracle Park. I was here quite often, so this proved to be a lot more difficult than I had initially imagined:

5. Holy $#!% – Andres Galarraga clears the bleachers, September 18, 2001.

I can’t recall if this was the first game of the series, but it was definitely the first series at Oracle after 9/11. Roy Oswalt (rookie year, no less) dominated the Giants lineup and gave my team the L, but The Big Cat got a hold of one, strapped a rocket on that baseball and touched the Coke bottle in left field. It’s still the longest home run to LF, and no one has come close to either the bottle or the glove since.

4. Running the upper level stairs, 2015 – 2017.

2015 was my first year as a long distance runner. I’ve had to significantly cut down the miles since due to several injuries, but for a 5 year period logging 15-30 miles a week was the norm for me. During this time I had learned that starting pitcher and one of my favorite players – Matt Cain – ran the stairs at the ballpark before every start. The sadistic part of my brain loved this and decided to challenge myself to diversify my training and try to match his energy. So before every day game I attended for 3 seasons, I showed up to the ballpark 2 hours early and ran the entire upper level – section 302 to 336. It took anywhere between 30-40 minutes to finish and proud to say that I never skipped a step.

3. After a 4 hour rain delay, Timmy dominates the Braves for 10Ks in 7 innings, April 9, 2010.

To provide context here, this was tagged as a Sunday afternoon game at 1:05pm first pitch until heavy rain delayed the start. Because this was Atlanta’s only visit to San Francisco in the season and the final game of the series, it was not advisable to postpone the game entirely to reschedule. So the umps called to cover the field and wait this out.

Mind you, I usually get to the game an hour early, so I sat in my seat for almost 6 hours before the game even starts (minus the amount of time I left to go back to my car to grab a blanket, and some stranger stopped me in my tracks because they thought I was Andrew Garcia from American Idol).

It is a difficult task for a pitcher to go through their normal pre-start routine, hit a dead stop to the game, sit cold for 4 hours, then on a drop of a dime get everything ramped up and going again. A normal pitcher (and their manager) would have probably skipped this start and asked for a spot start from the bullpen.

Timmy bursted out of the dugout and darted to the bullpen, ripped no more than a handful of warm up pitches and told his catcher, “I’m good, let’s go” and proceeded to overpower major league hitters for 7 innings.

This one of many reasons why we called him The Freak.
I was wet at the ballpark for 10 hours.
Worth it.

2. Marco Scutaro is unbothered by the rain, October 22, 2012.

Another ballgame with rain – this time it was game 7 of the 2012 NLCS against the St. Louis Cardinals. This overall series proved to be some of the best baseball I’ve seen, especially having to overcome a 3-1 series deficit. Capping it off with an eventual World Series win over the Detroit Tigers amplifies this memory to a near unreachable plateau.

1. Holding and watching my daughter eat ice cream while Logan Webb strikes out Shohei Ohtani, April 23, 2026.

The link to this video exists only in my brain, and will be on replay for all time.

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Poetic

1,087 days. 

That’s the total amount of days since I last penned paper for this blog (yes, I am still a guy that handwrites in 2026).

While I feel like I have good reasons why this blog has been completely ignored for 1,087 days, I don’t have one good one to justify why I stopped writing all together.  Writing is a pillar of my being, and doing so keeps me grounded without collapse.  But this doesn’t mean I’ve been face to floor this entire time, it’s actually the complete opposite.  During a handful of moments I was able to get a few ideas down, but only enough to formulate particles that eventually fluttered away with the wind.  I stopped dead in my tracks each time to tend to this girl who, rightfully so, is always looking to fulfill her constantly evolving, long list of needs.

Truth be told, I need her just as much.

My daughter, Autumn Jem, on Easter Sunday (2026).

642 days.

That’s the total amount of days since I became a father to my daughter, Autumn Jem (yes, my wife and I named her after the 80’s animated series Jem and the Holograms).

Case and point, I just stopped for a long moment because Autumn wanted to write on her dry erase board, and she needs me to carry her while she does so.  But just like her, I’m not skipping this writing session this time.  We’re going to see this one through today.

In the 445 days prior to her birth were a lot of soul searching with my wife and I after several failed fertility rounds and a debilitating miscarriage.  You would think that in these 445 days I’d have a lot to say – which I did.

Just not a lot of heart to write it.

People will always tell you how harsh it is to navigate these waters, and all the empathy will never make you feel it’s true weight unless it happens to you.  And I could not describe the feeling well enough for anyone else to truly see these endless, sordid knots inside me, so I didn’t bother trying any further than a few words before I let it simmer in pity.

So when I say that Autumn is perfect, it’s pure fact.  I cannot track the endless amounts of biological cogs, levels, and pieces that needed to be in the right place and the right time for her to grace the world with her existence.  And during these last 642 days – this time on the greener side of the grass and a whole lot of my heart behind this – I’ve attempted to find and construct words together to paint this aura of perfection.

Only to reach failure each time.

The energy behind the sentences, statements, sequences lacked the literary cadence to match what I feel being her father. Reading what I wrote felt like listening to a bad cover band of Air Supply (Low Air Supply, if you will.  I’m here until Wednesday).

would say it’s because I’m not a poet, who are masters in writing about pain, bliss and everything in between.  But I technically have two poems that have been published.  Do I prefer these books remain buried and hidd—yes please.  Am I a good poet?  Absolutely not.

So I rather not chase these rhythms that can never match these Autumn days and nights
And will merely live to the beat of the surf together
After all, father and daughter only has spots for her and I


Maybe, I can be just poetic enough.

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F&S

‘Father and Son’ by Cat Stevens is a very important song for me.  If you asked me to put together the soundtrack of my life, this song would make the album.  Might even be the first track.

On a creative level I’ve always wanted to be able to tell this song visually while being able to tell my own connection to this song as well.

Since day one through a good chunk of my childhood, I did not have a dad.  I had the best mom in history, amazing grandparents, and lots of aunts and uncles.  But that father figure was never there.  While I do have a step-dad (he too, is the greatest), there’s a certain level of egg shells that the relationship walks through, and the gloves aren’t put on and duked out between a step-dad/son relationship the way it would if it were a biological connection.

And it was actually my step-dad that introduced me to this song back when I was in college.  On first listen, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The lyrics, the emotion, the performance, everything about it.  Even if the song is packed with resent and expresses revolution (from the verses from the son), that’s what makes it beautiful.  Opposition is large part of a father/son relationship.  In fact, I saw it unfold so clearly during this time, seeing my step-dad and my half-brother duke it out the way I never did.

They fought often, but even so I was envious.  I knew, I knew I would never play that part of the son.  That time and opportunity for me went out the window on my first day.

But I do have plans on playing the father.  That chance will not pass me by.

PS. How about them acting skills of mine on this though?!  #bomchickawahwah

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